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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525433">Never The Same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_A_Wolf/pseuds/Just_A_Wolf'>Just_A_Wolf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arthur makes bad choices, F/M, Gaius is in a bady way, Gen, HInts of Merthur if you sqint, M/M, Merlin hates Arthur, Some hints at Gwaine crushing on Merlin if you squint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:33:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,814</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_A_Wolf/pseuds/Just_A_Wolf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur believes Agravaine when he says Gaius is the traitor. Merlin argues it but Arthur refuses to see reason. Merlin and Gwaine go in search of him and they find him. They bring him back to Camelot to heal and while Merlin stays at Gaius’s side. He does inform Arthur that if Gaius dies due to his negligence to listen that Merlin will never forgive him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Never The Same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin chose to ignore the harsh words that sprung forward in his mind as he and Gwaine headed for Gaius. All of the moments of Arthur arguing that his uncle was a good man and only wanted what </p>
<p>was best for the Kingdom came into Merlin’s mind. How could he not think the same of Gaius. Gaius who helped raise Arthur himself? Where was Agravaine then! Why did he not show up until power was in </p>
<p>play? Gaius was clearly the better man, the only one who didn’t see it was Arthur. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Merlin did appreciate Gwaine. He was everything Merlin needed consistently. He knew when Merlin needed to laugh or cry. He knew when Merlin needed someone to listen or someone to yell at. He was </p>
<p>one of Merlin’s first friends who hugged him. Merlin would never forget that. Arthur didn’t hug him. Merlin couldn’t remember one time. He shook his head smiling as Gwaine made some attempt to make </p>
<p>him smile. Merlin would always love Gwaine. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    As they neared the place Gaius was supposedly being kept Gwaine became the serious knight that made Merlin feel even safer. Merlin knew that Gwaine would protect him and Gaius with his life. </p>
<p>Something Merlin appreciated and admired about his friend. Merlin let Gwaine lead the beginning of the journey. Only taking over when Gwaine needed his help. Merlin really hoped Gwaine would listen to </p>
<p>his words when it came to finding Gaius. Merlin would gladly be left behind if Gaius’s life was at stake. Gwaine had nodded, but Merlin could never be sure. This was Gwaine. Gwaine was adamantly loyal to </p>
<p>him, he wasn’t sure he would actually leave him there. He shook it off and went forward to find Gaius. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Merlin was becoming nervous as he furthered into the cave. He couldn’t hear Gwaine and he hadn’t been able to find Gaius. He gasped as he felt his body fly into a wall. Morgana. He looked up to see the </p>
<p>witch looking at him with cold eyes. That’s the only way she ever looked at him these days. She was smiling though, which could only mean she was going to do something not so pleasant. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Why am I not surprised you’re here?” He spoke as she neared him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “You have always been a thorn in my foot haven’t you Merlin? Why can’t you ever just leave things alone?” Merlin glared at her, he felt an ugly rage rising up inside him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Maybe if you would leave my family out of it I would do just that.” She frowned mockingly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Family? Merlin last time I checked I”ve never hurt Hunith...unless Gaius is your father then your claim is in fact false.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Morgana you should know better than anyone family goes beyond blood.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Enough talking, my next question should be how will I make you pay? How will you die Merlin? Because you will die today.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Merlin had watched the interaction with Alator and Morgana. Had watched as Alator came close to him. Here it comes, his secret would be out. He knew in that moment he would have to kill the two </p>
<p>magic users in the room and get out quickly. He mentally went over any helpful spell when his brain malfunctioned...wait what? Alator wasn’t going to tell Morgana? Altair was helping him? Had Merlin hit </p>
<p>his head? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Once Alator had made sure Merlin got out safely Merlin ran. He rode as fast as he could feeling relief that Gwaine’s horse was indeed gone...good! He got Gaius! Merlin knew that was the only reason </p>
<p>Gwaine would leave him there. Merlin rode faster than he ever had! He had to see Gaius. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Gaius! Gaius! I’m here!” Merlin ran happily towards his home. Ready to embrace his guardian with open arms. He just wanted to feel Gaius hug him and comfort him. He needed Gaius. He froze when he </p>
<p>came through the door though…”Gaius?” It was quiet, confused. What was going on? Gaius was lying on a bed unconscious. He was pale and bloody. His breathing was shallow….no...no no no! Merlin was </p>
<p>at his side in seconds. Gwaine and Gwen watched him anxiously as he reached for Gaius’s wrist. “HIs pulse is weak...how long has he been like this?” Merlin tried hard to not snap at his friends. They had </p>
<p>only helped him. They weren’t at fault. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “They brought him in an hour ago. His pulse has weakened a little since they brought him in. I’ve done all I can. You have more knowledge than I do.” She was quiet and gentle, she didn’t want to upset </p>
<p>him. His breathing was shaky as he tried not to scream. He couldn't lose Gaius! He couldn’t! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Just at that moment a bang was heard on the other side of the room. Merlin didn’t turn around, he didn’t have to. Arthur spoke almost as soon as he came in. “I heard what happened! Is he okay!” Arthur </p>
<p>came over to Gaius’s side. Merlin couldn’t look at him. He kept his eyes glued to Gaius. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “He’s not doing well. His pulse is weak. Merlin is going to treat him.” Gwen spoke up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Merlin how are you holding up?” Arthur looked to his manservant. Merlin didn’t spare him a glance as he got up and gathered herbs to make something for Gaius. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I”m fire sire. Gaius is the one who isn’t fine. Gaius is the one who’s possibly dying.” Arthur looked guilty and Merlin was glad for it. He deserved it. Gwaine stayed quiet looking between the two. He felt </p>
<p>bad for both men, but he understood where Merlin was coming from. He knew Merlin was becoming more and more frustrated with Arthur’s loyalty towards Agravaine as Merlin was his most loyal friend. </p>
<p>Today Gaius almost paid the price for that. So he would stay out of this one. He would do whatever Merlin needed him to. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Arthur watches Merlin sadly. Merlin didn’t spare him a glance. Gwen bit her lip and looked to Arthur. She gently grabbed his arm and headed for the door. “Come on Arthur, let’s leave him alone for now. </p>
<p>Merlin I’ll be back later to help.” She told the young man before walking out with Arthur. Leaving Gwaine and Merlin alone with a struggling Gaius. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Merlin mate, what do you need me to do?” Merlin didn’t respond at first, just continued rummaging for things. Gwaine watched sadly as Merlin stopped, his shoulders heaved as he gripped the table in </p>
<p>front of him. “Hey hey come here.” Gwaine had his arms wrapped around Merlin in seconds. He knew he had done the right thing when Merlin returned the hug. Completely losing himself in the embrace. </p>
<p>Gwaine felt his shirt becoming soaked, but simply continued to hold his friend. His one true friend. “I’ve got you Merlin, I’ve got you.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    When Merlin did pull away he wiped at the tears. Though he knew Gwaine wouldn’t judge, Gwaine watched him with a gentle smile. “Ok...umm can you grab some fresh water? I’m going to try to lower </p>
<p>his fever.” Gwaine nodded his head and headed out the door. Merlin immediately turned towards his guardian. He did need the water, but he had to try some things first. Magic had been used on Gaius and </p>
<p>magic might be what saves him. Merlin put a hand to Gaius’s head and closed his eyes, focussing all of his magic into saving him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    He opened his eyes to check on him. It hadn’t worked. He tried again and a third time before Gwaine came back in. Merlin jumped into action, doing all the correct medical things. It ended with him and </p>
<p>Gwaine sitting on both sides of Gaius just comforting each other with presence. Everyone once in a while Merlin would check on Gaius and look defeated when nothing changed and Gwaine would put his </p>
<p>hand on top of Merlin's or put it on his shoulder. Merlin needed to know he wasn’t alone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Gwaine fell asleep before Merlin. Merlin watched the young knight sleep. He would never stop being grateful for Gwaine. With that thought Merlin allowed sleep to take him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Gwaine had gone to practice when Arthur came in. Merlin had been sleeping when Arthur woke him up. “How is he?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “No improvement.” Merlin replied tiredly. He really didn’t know what to do about Arthur now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I”m sorry Merlin. If I-” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Don’t.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Merlin-” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Don’t. Arthur just don’t. Look, you should know...if this doesn’t work...if Gaius...if Gaius dies. I will never forgive you. I can’t stay here if that happens. I tried to tell you he wasn’t the traitor. I told you </p>
<p>who the traitor was and you wouldn’t listen. You never trust me. Now Gaius is paying the price. I'll pay the price if he dies. I’m done Arthur. If this is how things go I’m done.” Arthur stayed silent through </p>
<p>his speech. He hated the words coming out of his mouth. They felt like venom and went against everything he believed in. He just didn’t believe in anything anymore. He hesitated before looking at his </p>
<p>King. Arthur looked shattered. He looked ready to cry. It reminded him so much of when Uther died. Merlin almost felt bad for putting it there. Almost. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I am sorry Merlin. I will do everything I can.” With that he was out the door and Merlin was alone with Gaius’s body. Gwaine frowned as Arthur brushed past him in the hallway, not saying a word. As he </p>
<p>made his way back to Merlin’s home he felt something was even more wrong than the current situation. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “What happened with you and Princess?” Gwaine asked as he came back into the home. Merlin hardly looked up as he continued looking for cures. Merlin didn’t respond at first. Only continued his </p>
<p>search. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I gave him some hard new I suppose.” Gwaine waited thinking Merlin would explain. When no explanation came he asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “What did you say?” Merlin’s face was carefully blank. He didn’t know how Gwaine would respond to what he had to say. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I told him that if Gaius dies I will not stay. I will not forgive him for not trusting us.” Gwaine felt his heart sink at Merlin’s words. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Merlin mate-” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “No Gwaine, Arthur has never listened to me. I have proven time and time again to be right when he argues with me to be wrong and he never learns. He never thinks maybe just maybe I know what I’m </p>
<p>talking about! I’m not stupid! I know we all joke about it and normally I don’t care, but now Gaius is dying and I was right! Arthur’s ignorance is going to kill the one man who’s ever been a true father to </p>
<p>me. I will not stay and serve a man who takes Gaius away from me. Maybe I never should have been as loyal as I turned out to be.” Gwaine nodded sadly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Well Merlin, I’m with you always. To the end. If you go I go with you.” Merlin nodded gratefully. He didn’t have the energy or strength to tell Gwaine to stay. He needed someone and Gwaine was all he </p>
<p>had. “I love you mate.” Merlin was surprised by the words. He gave him the smallest smile he could manage. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I love you too Gwaine. You’re a true friend. You’re family.” With that both men fell into comfortable silence. Gwaine could only hope Gaius lived. He didn’t know what Merlin would do without Camelot, </p>
<p>without Arthur. Would he really give it all up in his grief? </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Merlin woke up the next morning sleeping next to Gaius’s body. “Alright Gaius. Let’s check your vitals and then I’ll get you some water. How does that sound?” Merlin spoke as though his guardian could </p>
<p>hear him. It helped him to cope, helped him to not feel like this was useless. He paused though when he reached for Gaius’s arm…”Gaius?” Merlin felt his breathing increase and something he hadn’t </p>
<p>noticed before. “Gaius!” He touched his skin beginning to panic at the cold touch. He looked closer and saw Gaius was not breathing. “Gaius! Oh please no Gaius!” He pulled out a piece of glass and checked </p>
<p>under Gaius’s nose for breath...nothing. “No no no please no!” He checked his neck, his wrist, everything! “G-Gaius…” His voice cracked. “NOOOOO!” It was a painful and brutal scream. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Gwaine ran out thinking danger was around. “Merlin! Hey, what’s wrong?” Merlin didn’t respond, just rocked himself back and forth. He could hear Merlin sobbing and muttering to himself though. He </p>
<p>put a gentle hand on his friend. “Merlin? Merlin can you look at me?” Merlin shook his head, never not looking at Gaius...Gaius. Oh no.” Gwaine moved closer and took a hold of the older man’s </p>
<p>wrist...nothing. Oh poor Gaius….poor Merlin. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Gwen and Arthur ran into the room as soon as they got the news. Gwen had been trying to comfort Arthur over Merlin’s words. Both jumped as the door opened. Faces full of hope that Merlin would </p>
<p>announce Gaius would make a full recovery. Leon’s face though...was full of remorse and dread. Both ran out the door at Leon’s shake of his head. “Merlin!” Arthur ran in horrified by the sight in front of </p>
<p>him. Merlin was wailing over Gaius’s body while Gwaine held a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Merlin...I’m so sorry.” Merlin straightened up at hearing Arthur’s voice. The couple flinched at the icy look in Merlin’s once bright eyes. He stood up walking towards Arthur. Fury written all over his face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “You...you have no place here! You killed him! It’s your fault he’s gone!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Merlin you don’t mean that!” Gwen ran forward to console her friend. She was shocked at Merlin. Shocked at his tone towards his best friend and shocked at his words. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I don’t want you here!” With that Merlin went back to Gaius’s side and sat down. “I’m leaving as soon as the funeral is over. I won’t be coming back.” The tension in the room could cut someone. Gwen </p>
<p>straightened up shocked that he would actually go through with his words. Gwaine hung his head in disappointment at the entire situation. Arthur felt the tears roll down his face. Things would never be </p>
<p>the same. He had lost Merlin and he knew that. He nodded his acknowledgment towards Merlin’s words. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “I will leave Merlin. You need to know though, I am truly sorry. I have taken you for granted and I regret that immensely. Thank you Merlin. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. You will always be my </p>
<p>best friend.” With that he walked out the door. Gwen hung back, not sure which man needed her more. She walked forward and took one of Merlin’s hands in an act of comfort. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    The knight, the ex manservant, and the maid stood together in silence. Things would never be the same. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    The funeral was large and celebrated all of the amazing things Gauis did. People from all around came and said their goodbyes. Many came to Merlin to give their condolences. It was the first time </p>
<p>anyone had ever seen Merlin like this. So solemn. So quiet. Only being polite, no jokes, no smiles. Only quiet “Thank you’s, and thanks for coming.’ Merlin never looked at Arthur. Gwaine stuck by his side </p>
<p>the entire time. Doing whatever Merlin needed. Arthur tried not to feel jealous that Gwaine had replaced him. He knew he deserved it, that Merlin deserved better. Gwen sent him sympathetic glances, but </p>
<p>she also stuck to Merlin. Knowing that her time left with her friend was coming to an end. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>    Arthur watched from the top of the castle as Merlin and Gwaine rod into the woods as they left Camelot for good. Gwen waved from the boundaries of Camelot. She cried, she cried for hours. Not moving </p>
<p>from her place where she had last said goodbye. Arthur had never known how close she and Merlin had been. He didn't know that Gwen had been Merlin's first friend and that Merlin had been the first </p>
<p>person Gwen had actually been interested in. Arthur didn’t know a lot of things. Arthur let Agravaine off of his service. He knew it was the right thing to do. Merlin had left him proof of Agravaine’s </p>
<p>treachery. He didn’t know if all that Merlin said was accurate, but he knew now to never question Merlin. He knew Merlin would know when they stopped. He would find the letter Arthur had left explaining </p>
<p>everything Arthur had ever thought about Merlin. How sorry he was. And how he would never forget his first friend. He would never forget Merlin. As Merlin rode away, Arthur felt a piece of him go too. </p>
<p>“Goodbye old friend, and farewell.” His words flew into the wind, he hoped Merlin heard them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well this was something really random I thought of and I really liked the idea! I love reviews and really hope you will give me some. Give me ideas if that sounds cool to you or just let me know what you thought! Have a good one guys.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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